Purpose
and Biographical Information:
Eman8tions is currently mailed directly to over 1,200 people.
Somewhere around 6,000 people read it every day through forwards
and other lists. There is a steady stream of new subscribers.
I write Eman8tions because
it helps me to focus on higher levels of consciousness. I do
it for me. Sending them to you helps keep me honest.
The basic concept of Eman8tions comes from T.S. Eliot's Four
Quartets where he speaks of the still point of the turning world.
I feel that everything emanates from this still point, the Taoist
emptiness. I started a monthly newsletter of longer essays and
poems and sent it out in hardcopy for several years. Then I got
on the internet and started doing this shorter format. The intent
is to present ideas that emanate from the still point within.
The object is to be able to view all things in the world from
the perspective of maintaining inner peace, equilibrium, to not
be thrown off of our spiritual game by anything, to have a genuine
spiritual perspective that is not overblown on the one hand,
or cynical on the other.
I want to share this
with more people. I am deeply moved by the reactions and comments
so many of you have sent me. I hope that Eman8tions is worth
greater circulation. Being a child of the sixties, or rather
a young adult of the Sixties, I do believe the Two and Two and
Fifty Make a Million scenario. Your forwards to friends help
this process and are the foundation of the growth. So, thank
you very much for your help.
I am very glad to hear from subscribers. Of course the whole
point of Eman8tions is to get past the debate and into the experience.
I don't claim scholarly authority, just the love of a poet mystic.
Let me take some of the mystery out of who I am. That is not
a good mystery. It's easily knowable. The real mystery is much
deeper, vaster, richer. I include this biographical stuff so
you don't have to spend time wondering about who I am.
My
Story:
Thumbnail sketch. My name is John MacEnulty. I live in St. Louis,
MO. Grew up in Florida in the fifties. Played in the band, played
football my senior year of high school, had a paper route (4:00
am, bicycle, collections, the whole bit). I received a scholarship
on tuba to the Eastman School of Music and went there for two
years before the St. Louis Symphony offered me a job as tuba
player. Got married. We had two kids, boy and a girl. Got divorced
in 1973. Haven't been married since. Currently have two granddaughters,
Katherine & Elizabeth courtesy of my son.
Played for twenty years with the St. Louis Symphony. Bell's Palsy
(a paralysis of the lip and facial muscles) ended my tuba playing
career. I became a conductor. For nine years I conducted, executive
directed, fund raised, etc for an amateur orchestra in Illinois.
I started my interest
in spirituality when I first realized that the universe had to
go on forever, but how could it not have an ending in space or
time. And who created God? Those fundamental questions have had
a staying power. I was probably six or seven when I realized
that the Sunday School answers were far from complete. Besides
my father was a devout atheist.
I read a science fiction story when I was about twelve about
a hero who did yoga exercises to keep from giving away state
secrets under torture. I thought that was a step in the right
direction toward realizing my ideal of being Superman. I purchased
a book on yoga which turned out to be based on the teachings
of Patanjali, the originator of Raja Yoga (the kingly yoga).
I began to meditate and discovered an altered state.
I became interested in J.B. Rhine's work at Duke University and
was off to the races, in love with the lunatic fringe.
I did a couple of years of Scientology and, though I did not
care for the organization, learned tremendous things from it.
I did my duty in the sixties with Aldous Huxley's Doors of Perception
and Timothy Leary's turning on, Tibetan Book of the Dead, etc.
Protested the war in Vietnam and joined CORE. Organized peace
concerts to benefit the American Friends Service Committee.
In 1987 I realized that my consciousness was no longer expanding
due to the transition from searching use of LSD and marijuana
to a debilitating dependence on drugs and alcohol and went to
AA. I've been sober for 19 years of continuous sobriety and it
has been the major impetus to spiritual awakening. Cancer accelerated
the progress and here I am doing what I can to become a better
person, sharing with everyone the best I can.
I contracted lymphoma
(cancer) in 1991. It was a major spiritual awakening. I realized
that my healing would be a combination of my spiritual efforts
and the efforts of an extraordinary team of doctors, nurses,
friends, family, fellow AA members. The turning point came, I
believe, when I realized my desire to live was no longer fear
driven. It was the love of my mother and brother and son and
daughter that made me realize my life was complete and that it
was okay to die. The paradox was that when I was no longer afraid
to die, I was flooded with a desire to live to experience more
of that wonderful love.
Four years ago my oncologist told me I was no longer in remission,
that I was cured. She was very interested in how I beaten the
odds. They were fully expecting a relapse. I believe it was due
to acceptance, humility, love of my family and friends, God,
and the meditation concept of stillness.
Any other blanks I can fill in for you, let me know.
Namaste,
John
Donations are very much appreciated
